Driving down the street you cringe, somebody has hit an animal. You try not to look, and the smell hits you. I think we have all been there. Not something we want to remember, certainly not pick up and carry it around with us. What am I talking about? Come on it is the holidays, after the tragic shooting last week, give us a break. Write happy thoughts!
Well I am trying to give you a gift that I know you need. I have carried a dead man on my back. In fact to be honest I have carried many dead men, and women on my back. I was so comfortable with the stench of their decaying flesh eating into my own, yes I even enjoyed it. My own flesh carried the odor deep into my soul, and I fed it. I hung onto it as if the aroma was sweet to my heart and my head. I would forget about them at times, but I continued to carry them. I would not, could not, did not want to let go of them. They deserved to be a part of my life. They had hurt me, harmed me, even paid no attention to me. Yes I hated them, but let go? Why should I let those memories retire, be washed away. I would like for you to picture that person tied onto your back. Their flesh is decaying, falling off. The rotting flesh causes my own flesh to begin to rot. They stink and yes I stink also.
I began to have a relationship with the Lord. As I grew in His Word, the stink of those I carried became stronger. This is what my Lord smelt when He came close to me. He did not turn away, as bad as the stink was He loved me. He knew that for me to let go of the dead people I was carrying, I had to have something of equal or higher value to replace it.
My Lord lead me to a scripture and I read. Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. The Lord even showed me Mark 9:24..help me with mine unbelief. I asked God to forgive me and help me with my unbelief.
At this point I thought God and I were okay on this matter. Years later as I laid talking to the Lord, He brought one man up before me. Lord I asked forgiveness and I forgave him. Search your heart He said. As I laid there many memories came to my mind of the kindness this man had done for me and to me. I remembered none of the pain I had carried for years, and I cried, as God showed me that this man did all he knew to do, he did not know how to show his love to those that he did in fact love. Then for the first time in a very long time I weep, not for me for him.
Christmas is the time to give to others to show your love for them. I have no money, no gifts that I can impart to anyone. This is truly my happiest Christmas because for the first Christmas in my life I have no dead people on my back.
My gift to you is open your heart to the Lord and set yourself free. We can not change anyone else, we can only change ourselves. When we keep unforgiveness we are in fact carrying that dead act that person did to us, decaying on our back. Let go and let God.
God Bless you and God Bless those that hurt us.